Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
