just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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