you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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