My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
