So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
