my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
