You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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