Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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