I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
