He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
