Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
