WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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