I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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