I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
