I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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