At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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