I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
