is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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