these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize