dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
