...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
