Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize