Don't make out with my wife yet
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
