Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
