Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
