I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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