it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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