Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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