Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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