Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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