If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
