Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
