No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize