I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
