hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
