look no pants
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
