And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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