I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
