Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
