Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
