every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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