It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
