Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
