The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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