I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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