So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize