Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
