good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you would pick up someone in the library
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
