Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
