you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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