You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
