this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
