exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
