woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
