omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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