Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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