Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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