Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize