i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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