It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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