Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
