Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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