She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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