2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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