Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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