Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
