have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm both gender and math confused
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
