I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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