I CAN MOONWALK!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
