By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize