just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
