"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
