i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
