Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
