In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Are my feet made of real feet?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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