I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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