So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
