Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Someone signed my nipple.
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