i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
