I need help removing her.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
