Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
