Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize