I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
