Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
