I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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