Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize