Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
