I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
