dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize