Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
