Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
