was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
