even my farts smell like vagina
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
