she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
