My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
