good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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