you would pick up someone in the library
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize