my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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