So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
