no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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