allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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