he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
