Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
