he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
