I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
