I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
