omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize