Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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