I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
