i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
