Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
